Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
