Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
