Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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