alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
