Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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