I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
