yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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