and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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