At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
