True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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