It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
