I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
