My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
