found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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