Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
