I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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