Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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