Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
