She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.