I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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