I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
