found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
