C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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