i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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