Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
