it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They took my balls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
