I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize