I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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