every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
