If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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