I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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