I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
