hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
