There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
