I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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