Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
