this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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