he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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