Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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