hotel room ftw
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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