Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
