How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
