He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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