The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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