I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
