I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
