Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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