Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
