Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
