i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
