4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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