Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
