1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
