We're like a lot better than the average bears
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
