don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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