Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
