The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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