Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
