I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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