$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want a musical about memes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
