this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
