You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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