Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
