I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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