I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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