i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
