my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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