I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
