you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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