Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
