She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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