i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
