You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she woke up with a sticky ear
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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